Who you are moment to moment is just a story.

Well, it's Valentine's Day, and I've got work 4-10. I'm valentineless, and to be honest, I don't feel like seeing anymore people come into CVS buying roses and cards for their other. I haven't dated anyone in three years, and I guess I'm finally feeling like I want to be involved with someone.

I'm changing rooms at Temple, because  I really don't think I'm going to get along with my room mates, and the woman I talked to on the phone Friday said I have to go down campus in order to change it. Awesome, considering two dudes told me they did it without having to go down, they did it over the phone. I don't know why I'd have to go down campus anyway just to be like, I want to change my room to here. Now I have to hope that the room I want doesn't get taken before monday morning. This is annoying as shit. And Temple's offices aren't open on Saturday, which is ridiculous. They're open 8:30 to 4:00. If I were in high school, how the fuck would I have any time to do anything with them?

Last night I was in a horrible mood when I got home for some reason. It might be because of the apple pie  I decided to buy that had 20 g's of fat, and 10 g's of saturated fat, AND the fact I ate it at 11 o'clock at night. Or it could be because of the girl who decided to flirt with me all night, while her boyfriend was around. Or it could have been that I saw so many people I haven't seen in half a year, and none of them expressed interest in seeing me again XD But to Gab, they were all like "seriously, call me," and all that stuff. I guess I'm just that kid, haha, oh well I guess. I came home and sent a text to Kev saying "over the past few days a couple of people have told me I'm the strongest person they know and it bothers me for some reason. " It seems dumb, but when they say that, I think about what a new place in life I am, and how everything is going so well, and I feel like the part of my life before I lived with Gab is something I have let go of. I don't think about my life then, I don't think about any of the unfortunate things that have happened to me, and when people say they don't how I do what I do, I feel like it's not that big of a feat. I mean, I guess some of the shit I've been through was pretty shitty, and they may not have been able to handle it, but I just don't see it as that big of a deal. Maybe it's me just being humble, me having left that behind me, or for some reason I just don't see it as a big deal. But I suppose I appreciate it. I feel like my feat wasn't something worth admiring. I overcame an unfortunate living situation. Maybe it's me just boiling things down to basics, and not thinking about the details. But I feel like someone with purpose is admirable, I don't think I've done anything that good. I'm no Mother Theresa, and that's who I think should be admired. My feat only benefited myself, and I feel like someone who does for others should be admired. It's just a sloppy mess of feelings, and it might not make any sense, and it might sound repetitive, but it is what it is.

Wow. Just wow. I went through this whole journal last night, and was shocked at how different everything is now. I'll update later, but god damn!

I'm done posting here. I was going to delete all my entries, but I figured I'm not going to delete another livejournal, ha. This would be like number 5 since freshman year.

Too many people expect "turning your life around" to happen over night, but it can be a lengthy process. I'm always turning my life around, I could argue that it's not around, but trying to keep it on a desirable manageable path, but it's always changing. I feel a big change coming on tonight. I don't know what it is, but I've gotten myself in a few situation that I need to mold and make good from. I'll figure it out, because I figure everything out. I can't wait until college, I need to meet new people. 90% of the people I know are just not interesting. I feel like I'm incompatible with the world man. It's cool though, that's an alright thing.

<3

Today was rough. Get up 6:30 for school. School 7:50-2:03. Stay during 8th period, debate meeting until 4. Get home, eat, do dishes, head out to work at 5, get done at like 11:05. Get home around 11:10. Eat. Chill FINALLY. Really, I've been on the move since 6:30 this morning, which is pretty much 17 hours. Someone kill me, that is insane. 17/24 hours spent being a slave to the American society. Same thing again tomorrow! But I get out from school early. That only means I'm getting my haircut. Then work at 4.


I need to shower, but my mom's in there, meaning, I'm not going to be getting in there. What the heck, I JUST WANNA SLEEP!

    Alright, so its 12:21, what the fuck am I still doing up? I stayed home from school today sick, and then went into work around 5. I'm really happy I've got myself a job. I'm going to get a haircut tomorrow, hopefully Gab can go with me. I need my mom to get me her w2 forms and junk, so I can send them to Temple, it's been a month since their initial letter. Man, I'm tired. I'm about to go hop in bed.
    I don't think I'm going to see my sister anytime soon, because of me working now. I don't really think I'm going to have much free time either for friends (or the ones I have left, HA!). It's all good, I'll see as I go. I'm out now.

I forgot how much I really hate hearing other people's bullshit. It's just really annoying hearing people complain about little things, and sobbing and moping over it. I wish people would learn to suck things up and just deal with shit. Really. I don't bitch and complain about the one million and one things wrong with my life, so when I hear other people bitching about stupid small things, it gets under my skin. In summary, I wish people would suck it up.





GO OBAMA!

This was written about me on some debate newsletter, I think it's awesome, and wanted to show off.


"Eddie Amador of Franklin Towne Charter School has had quite a month! Early in February, Eddie attended the Pennsbury Invitational, one of the most competitive tournaments in Pennsylvania. At the tournament, Eddie, a senior first-year debater, and became the new Novice Champion of Pennsbury! Even more impressively, however, Eddie finished in the Top 32 out of 350 competitors at the Harvard National Invitational over President's Day Weekend. This is an extremely impressive feat for anyone, but especially for a first-year debater! He says that he loves debate because "Debate helps with increasing intelligence, confidence, critical thinking skills, and writing skills. It also provides the opportunity to travel and meet awesome people. The people in debate all have great and unique personalities. Debate is endlessly beneficial!" Congratulations, Eddie! We are so proud of you!"

    I had another dream about drowning last night, and I didn't enjoy it at all. The one I had last week was weird, and I remember it clearly, because I have a fear of drowning. So, I was on a ship, and like, people were evacuating it, and each time a group would go out the ship would tip, and then go back out. But one time people went out, the ship tipped, and started sinking. I tried getting out of a window, they were like school bus windows, but I couldn't. Then the water started filling the ship, and I kept trying to swim down and get out of the window, but I couldn't get out. Now this one, it's hard to explain. It was like, this building directly on the water. In order to get to the door to enter, you have to jump over an area of water. I went back and forth a few times, but the one time I had to go over, I jumped and didn't make it, and went under. I was trying to push off the bottom but I couldn't push, I felt like I was being weighed down, and that was scary, haha. I wonder what all of this means!
    Today I hung out with Janine, on one of my few occasions of spare time. We went to Pennypack, and stayed for like an hour exploring, haha. Then we went to her house, and watched TV, ate, then watched more TV, haha. Now I'm home, bored. I don't feel like going to school tomorrow >.> The year is never ending with all this work. I hate trig, I have all A's, then I have a 78 in trig. It's really not a nice thing to see.
    I don't really feel like writing about anything else, there's really nothing driving me to write. So this entry will end here, peace!

Man, I'm slacking on updating this. I guess I'll just write.

    Today I sat around and played Pokemon Crystal all day, and MKA, and now I'm waiting for pizza. The way I've been eating since last weekend, I'm surprised I'm not 40 pounds heavier, haha. Last weekend was Harvard, and vacation = no conventional eating, haha.
    The Harvard debate was awesome, I had a lot of fun. I placed in double-octo finals, then lost. The girl deserved to win, because she clearly worked 10 fold harder than I did. I saunaed for the first time, haha. We also went swimming, which was awesome. And yes, I loved Cambridge.
    Then sometime last week I went to the Franklin Institute, for Film class, because there was a Star Wars exhibit. It was cool, but overcrowded, so I proceeded to exit! Haha. Uh, the identity exhibit there is really awesome. I have no drive to write, haha, but I feel I need to update this.
    This week is goddamned nuts. I have no free time. I have to be home everyday but tomorrow, right from school. Yeah, it sucks. I attained my first absence of the year today. BOO.

    Charlie is awesome, lawlz, bye!

I'll fill you in tomorrow, baby.


This is just what I do.

I'm trying to be introspective, but it's not working all to well. There's nothing good in there anymore, and there's nothing worth picking apart, because I know how it all works. There's not much to me, however, there's more in me than anyone you'll ever know. Maybe it' just because I have it all laid out, I understand it. I'm miserable.

Sugar I'd come over, but your coffee tastes like the clap.

    Alright, first things first. I won the debate last night, in first place. I have a nice trophy sitting on my desk, to my right. I woke up and like, I realized that I really like, won the competition. I'm so proud of myself, haha. I met awesome people this weekend, and had a good time. Harvard is in a week and 5 days I think? I can't believe I'm going to debate at Harvard, it seems so crazy. :D
    Onward now. I didn't do my homework for the weekend, because I was busy with debate, and today I went out with my mom. Fuck homework on the weekend man. I watched Juno today, and it wasn't as impressive as I thought it would be. I'm not saying I didn't like it, I just thought it would have been better. I started really getting into it in the last like half-hour or so. I'm starting My Ishmael tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, because I really liked Ishmael. Man I'm bored. I hope this weekend coming up is exciting. I have plans with Sam for Friday night, which is awesome :D Then Saturday I hope I can hangout with Kev. I'm done now!

    I graduate in 4 months and a week. Wow man. I need a job, I need to pay tuition and housing fees. Anyone want to lend me $450? Or just give it to me. I'm going to call Oprah, she'll hook me up. Probably not.
    I'm so bored with everything man. I need something to bring something new to bring some excitement into my life. Or someone interesting. Just something. I'm sick of just going with the flow, I need to like, go on an adventure or something.


I can't wait until college, I'm leaving this life the fuck behind man. I'm going to forget about a lot of people, and that's for sure. God I can't wait. I know what the escape is going to be, I'll still be me, but I'm just escaping the life I can't stand. Fake ass people, annoying bullshit, constant complaints, everyone gets under my skin. I'll be living on my own, I'll be making all my own choices, it's going to be awesome. I know there's still going to be what there is now, but it will be less, people will be more mature, at least I hope.

It's not healthy to live the way I do.

    I hope I can sleep tonight, I haven't gotten a decent sleep in about a week. I don't know what's keeping me up at night, but I just can't sleep.
    This weekend was a little odd. Friday I was planning to hangout with Sam, but wound up hanging out with Janine, and seeing Cloverfield (which I highly enjoyed). Saturday I hungout with Brit as planned, but wound up crashing at Kev's, which was unplanned. And today, I was supposed to hangout with Amanda, but I have food poisoning and watched America's Next Top Model all day, ahahahaha. It was a good weekend I suppose.

    Last night I realized I really have nothing driving me, no motivation for anything, which in turn makes me not care about anything. I don't like being like this, but then again, I really don't care. There's no reason to change, or reason to care. I do need to start being a little more friendly with the people I care about, because I treat them like shit. I practically try to get them to hate me, which is pretty twisted I suppose. Last night I was trying to figure out why I do it, and I think I came up with a few reasons. First, I like pushing people, I feel like I'm creating some sort of excitement. Second, I think that I'm trying to make them care in my own sick manner? And third, it just flows out naturally. Last night I was thinking about a bunch of fucked up shit, I really sank, and felt like shit. I hate not being able to sleep, because sitting in the quiet, and the dark doesn't leave me with many other options than thinking. I've decided that I'm going to stop treating the people I really care about like shit. That's pretty much Janine and Kev, and some Gab. I don't know what's happening with us, but there's something weird going on, and I've clearly put it out there. And that's about it.

Life is so god damn boring without monster attacks.

What the fuck.

    My sleep pattern is irregular, and I hate it. The past few nights I've laid in bed for about two hours, not sleeping until about 1 o'clock. Last night, I couldn't fall asleep, and I eventually did, because I woke up at 5:20, and I was like, what the fuck, I'm still not asleep. But clearly, I slept because I didn't lay there for three hours awake. It's kind of weird I still had the same thought pattern I did when I feel asleep. But to curb my drowsiness during the day, I've been drinking coffee. I stopped drinking coffee about two years ago, I used to have it every morning then, and could handle the caffeine. Now when I have it, there's points where I'm off the fucking wall obnoxious. It's annoying man, but whatever, it's life. Thank god for the day off tomorrow. I need another break.
    This winter is lame as fuck man. There has been no accumulative snow. There was in November, but that's not winter. The seasons are fucked. I'm fucked. So are you. We're all fucked baby. I'm ready for the summer now though. The long hours of day, color, warm nights. Sounds pretty appealing I suppose. I mean contrasted to the bitter cold, then the warm rainy days, I prefer summer.  I want to go swimming.
    I'm really preparing for the emotion of graduation, and realizing that I'm going to lose the few people I care about. It's a bummer I guess, but I don't know. I guess there's that whole "we'll keep in touch" thing. I'm not talking about signing some asshole's yearbook saying "Oh man, call me, we'll hangout sometime." I'm talking about like, people I actually care about, like, it's pretty lame, although there's not that many people leaving, haha. I'm staying in Philly, therefore the only person going away is Janine. Dear Janine, I'm just going to dedicate this paragraph to you. I'm scared of what's going to happen when the year's over. I'm kind of nervous as to how the rest of the year is going to go. I've come to care for you a lot in the past year. I guess I'm saying of all people, I don't think I want to lose you.
    Man I'm tired. I'm headed to bed now. Thank god we have the day off tomorrow. I'm going to have to find a new saying besides thank god, it's kind of vain and meaningless to me, haha. I'm so glad we have the day off tomorrow. I suppose that'll suffice.

February 2nd- Pennsbury debate?
February 9th- Unionville debate?
February 15th- HARVARD. 20 motherfuckingdaysman. I'm so excited. I think, haha. I'll be so damn nervous. Clearly the two preceding debate are practice for the big national competition.

Goodnight<3

Sometimes I meet good people. Then those people turn out to be like everyone else. Ha.

I miss some people. Kev mostly.






I'm on a mission to find my older sister.

I'm going to be president! Or I'm going to learn German, and move to Switzerland, and live in a house in the mountains, away from the world, and write a novel or something. I won't cut off my ear though.